It's all about peace.

Last week, Steve and I were together at the mall doing a little Christmas shopping. We stopped in at Barnes and Noble for a bit. This book was on display:

We thought, "Interesting," and flipped through it. Essentially, it's the story of a Mormon girl who moves to New York as a young adult and experiences the world outside of Mormontopia for the first time. She begins to date an atheist and, subsequently, question her beliefs. The book comically depicts her journey from "blind" belief to disbelief.

In the last four years or so, I have had many close friends decide the church is not true. I keep in touch with them--they have blogs, they email me--and their stories parallel this author's journey, one in particular so closely, I wondered perhaps if she, in fact, wrote the book and used a pen name.

I can relate, in a way. About five or six years ago, I woke up one morning and had the terrible thought that perhaps I believed the church was true only because I had been told so as a child. That all the experiences I'd had that had "reinforced" this were all in my mind. For a couple of years afterward, I only saw the discrepancies in the scriptures, the flaws in the church. I didn't live any differently, though. I still went to church every week and fulfilled my calling. I felt as spurred on as ever to teach my kids the gospel. But I wondered and doubted. And I felt really yucky and anxious deep down inside.

Then one night I had an experience that confirmed to me once and for all that the church is true--that the inconsistencies and flaws serve a purpose, that if everything appeared perfect then there would be no test and no need for faith. And suddenly everything made sense. I felt overwhelmed with peace. The peace that only comes from God and cannot be had by any other man-made source.

Since then I get frustrated whenever I hear a friend's argument, maligning the church on some issue or another. I get irritated when I see books like the above pictured. Because as logical as their arguments sound, there is no peace in it. Not for me. Not for them. I just think all my friends deserve peace. Not just the temporary satisfaction that comes from their embittered, intellectual conclusions.

Last week we were in Nauvoo. I retrieved my camera, and while Steve was doing a session, I drove the kids around and took pictures of them. It was a beautiful, blue-skied day. In the 30's (practically Spring weather). No wind. No cars. No people. Seriously deserted. Quiet. Everything decorated for Christmas. Just me and my kiddos and the temple as a backdrop. A day of peace.

Everything dusted in snow.

Bows and boughs.

They saw some cows and went to get closer.

Then walked back to the car. It was cold.

Little cabin and covered wagon backdrop. Really, really glad we're not pioneers. We love our heated van.

In front of the temple gates.

This is the life, I tell you.